After separation or divorce, you hope the hardest part is over. But for many single mums, that’s when a new kind of challenge begins: co-parenting with someone who may be angry, controlling, or emotionally harmful. You want to focus on your child, stay calm, and move forward. But what happens when your ex seems more interested in fighting than co-parenting? What if you’re not getting the single mum support from the other parent?

The hard truth is you’re not alone. Many single mothers have been there, trying to protect our children’s peace while holding our own together. It’s not easy, but with the right support, strategies, and mindset, it’s possible to not only get through it, but grow through it.

The Reality of Co-Parenting Challenges

Co-parenting after a breakup is already tricky, even in the best of circumstances. But when your ex becomes toxic — whether by being manipulative, unreliable with child support, overly critical, or simply unwilling to work together — it can wear you down emotionally, physically, and mentally.

For one of my clients, Sandra, there are days when she feels like she’s parenting two children: her son and his dad. There are missed visits, snide messages, and power games over school and child care choices. Although there was no family and domestic violence leading to the separation, it always feels like Sandra was constantly firefighting, just trying to keep the peace.

And it’s exhausting. It makes her feel it would be heaps better if she were completely single-parenting instead of co-parenting with this toxic man. This kind of conflict can make a single parent question her worth, her parenting, and her strength. But you are not the problem. The situation is. And it can be managed.

Common Co-Parenting Conflicts and Their Emotional Toll

With a toxic co-parent, you might face issues like:

• Frequent disagreements about schedules or school decisions
• One parent undermining the other in front of the child
• Last-minute cancellations or no-shows
• Passive-aggressive or aggressive communication

These can lead to anxiety, resentment, and even fear. It’s hard to stay calm when every message feels like a trap. But recognising the emotional toll is the first step in deciding how you want to respond and how much energy you’re willing to spend.

Why Single Mum Support Can Make a Difference

This is where support comes in. The good news is, you don’t have to do this alone. Talking to other mums who understand what you’re going through can be a lifeline. Sometimes we just need someone to say, “Yes, I’ve been there. And you’re doing better than you think.”

I remember joining a local group that supports single mothers and listening to another mum talk about how she handled birthday parties when her ex refused to cooperate. We laughed and cried in the same breath. With support from others, I left feeling lighter and not so alone.

When you connect with others who get it, it gives you clarity, strength, and practical tips you may not have thought of on your own.

Strategies to Handle Co-Parenting Conflicts Positively

Staying in the chaos doesn’t have to be your only choice. Even if you’re forced to stay in contact, you can find ways to manage it better … for your sake and your child’s.

Setting Boundaries Without Escalating Tension

Boundaries are key. You can’t control what your ex does, but you can control how you respond. That might mean sticking to email or using a co-parenting app so that everything is documented. It might mean refusing to respond to emotional bait and keeping conversations short and to the point.

One mum I worked with shared how she made a list of topics she would no longer respond to. She only replied when the message involved their child’s needs, specifically financial support. It took practice, but she said it was one of the best things she ever did for her mental health.

Communicating Effectively with a Difficult Ex

Keep your messages clear, calm, and focused on the child. Don’t be afraid to pause before replying. Ask yourself: Does this need a response? Is this about our child or about control? Will my reply add fuel to the fire or move things forward?

You’re not being rude or cold. You’re protecting your energy—and that’s something your child benefits from, too.

When to Seek Mediation or Legal Support

If things start to affect your child’s well-being or your safety, it might be time to look into mediation or legal support. This doesn’t mean you’re trying to “win” or make things worse. It means you’re putting up guardrails to protect what matters most: stability for you and your child.

In some cases, such as family violence, parallel parenting — where you limit contact and each parent has more independence — might work better than trying to co-parent closely.

How to Build a Strong Single Mum Support Network

Having the right people around you for information and support can make a big difference. It’s about more than just venting and having lower stress levels. It’s about learning, growing, and remembering that you’re not failing. You’re navigating something complex with grace.

Finding Online and In-Person Single Mum Support Groups

There are so many safe, welcoming spaces for single mums online and in person. Facebook groups, local meet-ups, and parenting forums can be great places to start. Look for communities that share your values and make you feel uplifted, not judged.

Thankfully, there are heaps of places to find support groups for single parents. There are tens of great websites offering support and encouragement for single parents. Single Mama Way offers counselling and other services for single mothers. Check out the different support services we offer here, including our one-on-one counselling.

Aside from these, you can also rely on the Australian government for support for single parents post-separation, depending on the kind of help you need. Centrelink benefits, for instance, offer a range of services including family tax benefit part A and domestic violence support. Government initiatives also include health care cards, financial counselling, child care rebate, isolated children scheme, and free legal aid. You can check the eligibility requirements for the parenting payment scheme here.

If worst comes to worst, you can seek help from Anglicare, a not-for-profit organisation that provides free foster care services for children affected by domestic violence. There are many political groups and organisations that offer similar services and legal support for separated parents.

Learning from Co-Parenting Wins of Other Single Mothers

One of my favourite online single mum support groups is the Beanstalk Single Mum Vine on Facebook. Here, you can ask for help or counsel from thousands of Aussie single mums. Surprise, surprise! Other single mums offering support can be helpful in raising children, managing relationships, legal aid, child care benefits, and virtually anything about single motherhood.

More importantly, it can help to hear real stories from mums who’ve turned things around. One mum I became friends with told me how she kept a photo album for her daughter of moments with both parents, despite the pain she felt. Her daughter, now a teen, told her recently, “Thanks for showing me love, even when it was hard.”

Sometimes, it’s those small decisions, made again and again, that show the biggest strength.

Final Thoughts on Turning Conflicts into Opportunities Through Single Mum Support

Co-parenting with a toxic ex can feel like walking through a storm with no umbrella. But getting support can be a single mother’s helpline. It helps you clear your head, set healthy limits, and focus on the one thing that matters most: your child’s well-being.

And as you build that single mum support and take each step forward, you’re not just surviving. You’re showing your child and yourself what it means to rise through hard things with strength and love.

Alongside people who can help, you’re doing better than you think. Keep going.

Single Mama Elle

Elle is our compassionate single mum counsellor, dedicated to guiding fellow mamas through life's challenges. With a heartfelt commitment to transforming obstacles into opportunities, Elle provides empathetic support and practical guidance to her clients. As a single mother herself, she intimately understands the daily struggles and joys of single parenthood. Outside of counselling sessions, Elle finds rejuvenation in nature walks and yoga practice, nurturing her own well-being to better support others. Through her counselling practice, Elle aims to instil unwavering belief in single mums, empowering them to navigate life's journey with resilience and optimism.

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