If you’ve ever felt like your mind is running a hundred tabs at once while preparing school lunches, you’re not imagining it. That constant planning, remembering, and organising isn’t something you’re imagining — it has a name: the mental load. It’s the invisible work that keeps everything in your household functioning, and when you’re the one carrying most (or all) of it, it can feel overwhelming.

This guide is here to help you understand the aspects of the mental load, why it feels so heavy, and how you can lighten it without adding more pressure to your day. By the end, you’ll have practical strategies to bring back balance and a reminder that you’re not alone in this.

What is mental load, and why does it feel so heavy?

The concept of the mental load goes beyond physical chores. It’s the mental work — remembering important events, writing shopping lists, organising school activities, scheduling doctor appointments, anticipating needs, and keeping track of everyone’s moods. Basically, it’s being the project manager of your home, even if you’re the only adult in the house.

This is often called invisible labour because others don’t see the endless mental tasks involved in managing a household and family. It’s not just physical tasks like laundry or dishes; it’s the cognitive and emotional weight that never switches off. And research shows this work falls disproportionately on women, especially in heterosexual relationships, where one partner tends to carry the mental burden by default.

Sound familiar? If so, you’re not failing — you’re carrying something huge, and it’s time we talked about how to redistribute it.

Signs you’re carrying too much

Mental load affects women immensely. How do you know if your mental workload has tipped into overload? Common signs include:

• Feeling “on” all the time, like you can’t relax even after ticking off all the household tasks.
• Forgetfulness (like missing permission slips or school notes).
• Irritability or snapping over small things.
• Constant multitasking but never feeling caught up.
• Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix.

If this sounds like your day, please know this isn’t about not being a good mother — it’s the pressure of doing hours of unpaid work on top of everything else.

The emotional impact of mental load on daily life

When you’re carrying the mental load solo, it affects how you feel. The constant mental and emotional pressure can drain patience, spark guilt, and impact relationship satisfaction with those around you.

You might notice mental load can affect how you show up for the kids, or how much joy you get from everyday moments. Feeling stretched thin means the labour associated with keeping a home running is too much for one person.

Mental load and burnout: how they’re connected

The link between mental load and burnout is real. When you’re balancing work and family, endless household and family responsibilities, and your own emotions without relief, the body and mind hit a wall. It can look like deep fatigue, withdrawal, or even physical symptoms.

Many mums faced this head-on during COVID-19, when extra childcare and home-schooling piled onto existing expectations. Women spend more hours per week doing unpaid work and housework, on top of paid work, and that’s before factoring in the mental labour of it all.

Practical strategies and outsourcing to reduce mental load

The good news is you can start small and see a big difference. Try these ways to share or lighten the load:

• Use a shared calendar as it helps organise your own brain.
• Plan meals ahead to avoid last-minute decisions.
• Batch tasks like physical chores instead of sprinkling them throughout the day.
• Delegate where you can — even kids can take initiative with age-appropriate jobs.
• If possible, consider outsourcing to share the mental load (such as grocery delivery or a cleaning service, even just once a month).

Remember, it’s all about reducing the mental burden and emotional labour so you can breathe.

Setting boundaries to protect your mental space

Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re essential for survival. That might mean:

• Saying “no” to extra commitments.
• Logging off work schedules at a set time.
• Blocking out self-care moments (and guarding them fiercely).

When you protect your energy, everyone wins — because a burnt-out mum helps no one.

Further reading: How to Create Healthy Life Boundaries for Single Mothers

Balancing workloads, household chores, and the mental load

It can be more challenging if you’re working while raising kids. Between work hours, domestic life, and care of children, the mental and physical load can feel endless. The key is focusing on what truly matters and letting go of the rest.

Try identifying options for what can wait, what can be dropped, and what only you can do. Build flexibility into routines and check in regularly with yourself, as what worked last week might not work this week.

Self-care as a tool to manage mental load

Self-care isn’t limited to bubble baths and candles (though they’re lovely if you can). It’s these small, daily actions that nourish you:

• Drinking your coffee hot.
• Listening to a podcast during chores.
• Taking 10 minutes to breathe in silence.

Protect these moments like an important meeting — because they are.

Most important things to remember

• The mental load is real, and it’s heavy because it involves countless mental tasks, invisible tasks, and constantly making decisions.
• It’s not a personal failing — societal expectations and gender inequalities mean many mums shoulder this by default.
• Start small: redistribute where possible, delegate in ways that lighten your brain.
• Your wellbeing matters as much as everyone else’s.

Final Thoughts: Carrying the mental load for your family

As a single mum with a growing daughter, I know this weight well. There were days I felt like a project manager running a company, except the business world never followed me into the shower. I’d be remembering important events, planning meals, and mentally monitoring progress on schoolwork — all while folding laundry.

What helped me most was asking for help when I could, and giving myself permission to let go of some physical chores without guilt. I also started taking 15 minutes each night for myself — no screens, just tea and silence. It wasn’t magic, but it helped me breathe.

You’re not alone in this. One small shift at a time can make the mental load feel lighter. And you deserve that.

Further reading: Single Mums: Discover How To Get More Organised & Overcome Overwhelm

Single Mama Elle

Elle is our compassionate single mum counsellor, dedicated to guiding fellow mamas through life's challenges. With a heartfelt commitment to transforming obstacles into opportunities, Elle provides empathetic support and practical guidance to her clients. As a single mother herself, she intimately understands the daily struggles and joys of single parenthood. Outside of counselling sessions, Elle finds rejuvenation in nature walks and yoga practice, nurturing her own well-being to better support others. Through her counselling practice, Elle aims to instil unwavering belief in single mums, empowering them to navigate life's journey with resilience and optimism.

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