How To Separate From Your Husband In A Healthy Way

When it comes to separating from your husband, there are a multitude of things to consider and plan for. From quick tasks like noting your separation date to heavier topics like updating your will and insurances. It’s important to be across everything you need to do when separating.

Ella Hickman of Hickman Family Lawyers in Perth has helped hundreds of clients separate from their spouses, and she’s put together her top practical steps for single mothers on how to separate from their husbands as well as her best tips on how to plan a healthy separation, too.

Practical Steps To Take When Separating From Your Husband

Note Your Separation Date

Australian Family Law requires you to have been separated from your husband for a minimum of 12 months before filing your divorce application, so noting your separation date is crucial.

This date is also important when it comes to updating bank accounts, insurance policies, utility bills, etc.

Make sure your separation date is mutually agreed to. You don’t want your ex claiming a different date at a later stage, potentially complicating the separation process.

Update Pins & Passwords

No matter how amicable your separation may seem, play it safe by updating all your passwords and pin codes.

That can include online banking passwords, computer, email and mobile phone pins.

You may also want to review any tracking apps like the Find My app on iPhones. Ensuring only people you want to be connected to can see where you are at any given time.

Consider Living Arrangements & Mortgage Repayments

This is often the first and can be the most important thing that you need to consider before you separate, especially if you have children.

You may need to agree with your husband on issues like who goes, who stays, who pays for what, who takes the children to and from school, and other relevant arrangements. Keep your arrangements as simple as possible, aiming to cause little disturbance to your children’s existing routines.

You can also start negotiating how you’re going to split your assets to have some indication of what new furniture or household goods you may need to purchase after your separation.

Remember, if your mortgage is registered in both your names, you are equally responsible for the ongoing payments. Agree who is going to pay it or how you might split the payments fairly. If you can’t agree, inform the bank immediately of your situation. They may be able to suspend payments until your property settlement is finalised. If you don’t inform them and payments fall behind, the bank may be entitled to repossess the house.

Start Separating Your Finances

If you have any joint bank accounts, it may be wise to close them if possible and open new ones in your name only. Consider any payments made to and from joint accounts before simply closing them.

If you have a joint credit card, agree on who is going to pay for the liability. If one party fails to pay, the other can be held accountable regardless of who actually incurred the debt.

Now, it’s time to draw up a new budget to determine what your income and expenses will be following your separation from your husband.

This will give you a fair indication of what financial adjustments you may have to make. As well as whether you’ll be requiring child support or spousal maintenance from your ex. Remember, both parents have a legal obligation to financially support their children.

Notify Centrelink

If you have been receiving any Centrelink payments, notify them immediately of your change in marital status.

As a single person or parent, you may also be entitled to a higher amount than you were as a married person. They will require the date of your separation, so have this ready to hand before talking to them.

Review Your Insurances & Estate Planning

Many married couples name their spouses as beneficiaries or executors in their insurance policies, wills and their superannuation.  

These need to be reviewed as soon as you can. Otherwise, in the event of your untimely death, they may still end up inheriting your estate.

Get Legal Advice

The above-mentioned points are just a few matters you need to attend to when preparing to separate from your husband.

When it comes to divorce, Australian Family Law can be complex at the best of times. Getting legal advice from a trusted and experienced family lawyer as early as possible is always strongly recommended.

Knowing what your rights and obligations are and how the law will apply to your specific circumstances will give you confidence. Allowing you to think clearly and make the best decisions for you and, more importantly, for your children.

Tips For A Healthy Separation From Your Husband

Maintain Respect For Each Other

Maintaining respect for each other goes a long way in ensuring a healthy separation and post-divorce relationship. Especially when there are children involved.

As hard as that may sometimes be, always be courteous to your ex-husband. It may encourage him to do the same, paving the way for a less stressful divorce. Letting you reach an agreement that benefits you and your children.   

Avoid Making Significant Changes Quickly

During the early stages of divorce, it is completely normal for both parties to be feeling overwhelmed with stress and emotions, which can temporarily cloud one’s mind. Refrain from making rash decisions like making any expensive purchases, moving house, jobs or making any significant changes to your or your children’s lives during this period, at least until you have reached a property settlement.

It is only after you have reached a property settlement and have agreed to the terms of your parenting plan that you can be certain of what your new lifestyle will be and what you can or can’t afford.  

Keep Lines of Communication Open

Keeping lines of communication with your ex-husband open during the divorce negotiations is crucial in achieving a mutually agreed settlement. One that you both can comfortably live with. This, in turn, normally leads to a healthy post-divorce relationship, which is even more vital if you’re a newly single mother.

Divorce does not end with signing a piece of paper when you have children. You will still have to continue working together as co-parents for a long time, during which situations can change and may require some tweaking to your parental agreement or divorce terms. Keeping a cordial relationship with your ex and your lines of communication open will make this process easier for you both.  

Be Honest With Your Children

Being honest with your children is non-negotiable. Tell them the truth but keep the conversation minimal and age-appropriate so they understand the situation without divulging too much information. If they’re really young, they don’t need to know the reasons for the divorce other than you were not happy together and that you both decided it would be better for everybody if you lived in separate homes. Of course, if they’re older, they may need to know more.  

Whatever you say, try not to bad mouth their father, argue openly in their presence and avoid discussing any legal or financial matters with them. Keep the information limited to what may affect them. Where and with whom will they live, when will they see their dad, who will take them to school and any social events, and so on.

Give them the space and time they need to process their thoughts and answer their questions about your separation as honestly and as simply as you can, in an age-appropriate way for your child.

Consider Family Mediation

Family mediation is the most common and successful way of divorcing in Australia for a number of reasons. It is by far the quickest, easiest, cheapest and least stressful way.

Unlike court procedures, where you’ll often need to hire your family lawyers to represent you. Which can be extremely costly and take months or even years to finalise. In family mediation, the costs of one mediator are shared by both parties. The family mediator does not take sides, remaining impartial at all times, explaining the rights and obligations to you both, offering guidance and making suggestions regarding financial and parental matters for you to consider.

This enables you both to resolve your disputes amicably and work towards reaching a mutually agreed settlement that suits your particular circumstances.   

Prioritise Your Mental Health with Professional Support

Experiencing separation from your husband can be emotionally challenging, impacting both your well-being and that of your children. Seeking mental health support is crucial for maintaining clarity and stability during this time. A therapist, such as a counsellor or a psychologist, can help you process your emotions, manage stress, and navigate the difficulties of co-parenting, making the journey more manageable.

We hope you’ve found these tips on how to separate from your husband useful. If you need any assistance with your separation, we always recommend consulting with a family lawyer in your state. These can guide you on your options and likely outcomes for your individual circumstances.

Single Mama Elle

Elle is our compassionate single mum counsellor, dedicated to guiding fellow mamas through life's challenges. With a heartfelt commitment to transforming obstacles into opportunities, Elle provides empathetic support and practical guidance to her clients. As a single mother herself, she intimately understands the daily struggles and joys of single parenthood. Outside of counselling sessions, Elle finds rejuvenation in nature walks and yoga practice, nurturing her own well-being to better support others. Through her counselling practice, Elle aims to instil unwavering belief in single mums, empowering them to navigate life's journey with resilience and optimism.

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