There’s a popular quote in parenting that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Yet, often, single mums wonder where that village is. Sometimes, it can feel like you’re raising your child all on your own as if no one else cares. The thing is, sometimes, the village will not come on its own. Instead, it’s up to you to look for it and build a strong support network.

Being a single mum, the key individuals in your support group are your children. In short, your kids are your de facto community. But there are different people for different stages and areas of your life. Because of this, you might need to step our of your home to find the right support for you.

Why Every Single Mum Needs a Support Network

The Emotional and Mental Benefits of Connection

One of the main reasons the human species has survived is community. We have evolved to seek others, not live on our own, isolated from the rest of the world. Not only do we need other people for our basic needs, we need friends for our mental health and overall wellbeing. We need social connections because that is our species’ primary survival strategy, especially when times are tough.

How Community Can Reduce Stress, Loneliness, and Burnout

Having a strong support system can significantly ease the mental load of single motherhood. Knowing that you have people to rely on can reduce stress and prevent burnout. It also helps combat loneliness, which is a common challenge for single mums. Whether it’s a friend who listens, a neighbour who helps with errands, or a support group that understands your struggles, building connections can lighten the mental and practical burdens of parenting alone.

The Role of a Support System in Personal Growth

Lastly, having supportive people around you could help your personal growth. For one, you need cheerleaders and people who believe in your capabilities, especially when you are in doubt. You can rely on them to see the qualities and strengths you can’t see yourself. They see your leadership skills, your resilience, and your compassion.

In addition, spending time with close friends who mentally challenge you and want to help you become a better person is important for your emotional well-being. Having a support team to check your behaviour, provide valuable feedback, and remind you of your values can make it easier to make better decisions.

Overcoming Guilt and Fear When Reaching Out for Support

Why Single Mums Feel Guilty About Asking for Help

Many single mums feel guilty about asking for help because they believe they should be able to do everything on their own. Society often romanticises the image of a “strong, independent mother,” making it seem like seeking support is a sign of failure. However, the truth is that no one is meant to parent alone. The weight of raising a child, managing finances, and maintaining a household can be overwhelming, and asking for help is not a weakness but a necessity.

How to Reframe Asking for Support as a Strength, Not a Weakness

Changing your mindset around asking for help can be life-changing. Instead of viewing it as a sign of failure, consider it a sign of strength. A strong person knows their limits and seeks support when needed. Accepting help also fosters a powerful example for your children, teaching them that it’s okay to rely on others and that community is essential for a healthy, balanced life.

Real Stories of Mums Who Overcame Guilt and Built Their Tribe

One of my favourite stories about successfully managing to build a strong support system comes from Gianna, one of the young single mums I coach at Single Mama Way. As an only child, she and her parents had huge dreams for her. But, falling in love for the first time, she not only defied her parents … she disowned them too. At twenty-two, just a few months before getting her degree, Gianna left her happy childhood home in Italy for the man who would eventually leave her and their two school-age daughters to marry another woman … his first love whom all his family members knew and adored.

Being naturally shy, coupled with the language barrier and the shame, Gianna became sort of a recluse. It didn’t help that her software development job was 100% online; she didn’t have to talk face-to-face with anyone from her workplace. Although she wanted to, she couldn’t call her parents because, well, she once told them to go to he**.

Story Continues…

Soon, she noticed her anxiety growing. She felt she was going crazy. Immediately, she took the first step and sought professional help. One of her first hands-on assignments here at Single Mama Way was to take some chocolate chip cookies to her next-door neighbour. This was a big deal because she was living in her ex-partner’s childhood home, and these people were his friends. But she did it anyway. Little did she know that’s how she would meet the women and men who are now her tribe. Oh, and through them, she was able to overcome her guilt and reconnect with her parents. She now talks to mamma and papà on a virtual space at least once a week.

I love Gianna’s experience because it’s very simple but exemplifies the value of taking the first step towards meeting others. Hers is just one of the many beautiful stories of the women of Single Mama Way who were able to overcome their personal challenges to build a strong support network.

Setting Boundaries to Build a Healthy Support Network

How to Recognise One-sided or Draining Relationships

However, as much as we want to have friends, it’s also important to acknowledge that not all relationships are healthy. Sometimes, there are going to be people in your immediate circle who are simply toxic. The good news is, if you are in one, you already know it. But in case you want confirmation for your suspicions, here are a few red flags of a one-sided relationship:

• You always initiate communication. Even introverted friends need to put effort into staying connected.
• You’re always checking on them, but they don’t check on you.
• They only communicate when they need something, or something happens in their life. Once you start talking about you, they immediately check out or never seem engaged.
• They expect you to come to their events but don’t take an interest in the activities you are organising.
• They don’t honour their commitments to you and always make excuses.

If you recognise these signs in your friendships, maybe it’s time to reflect on whether it’s worth keeping.

Saying No Without Feeling Like a Bad Mum or Friend

One of the most common reasons we suffer in unhealthy relationships is we don’t clearly define boundaries early on. And many of us can’t help it, having been raised to please people and put the needs of others before our own. Thankfully, we now know that there’s a better way. Here are practical tips on saying no without feeling guilty, according to Psychology Today:

1. Practise saying no. If saying no feels difficult, begin by practising in low-pressure situations. The more you do it, the more natural it will become. Simple phrases like, “I can’t commit to this right now” or “That doesn’t work for me” can help you ease into setting your limits without guilt.
2. Keep it honest and brief. You don’t need to offer a long-winded explanation. A short and truthful reason is enough. For example, instead of over-explaining, you’ll say, “I have other priorities at the moment” or “I need to focus on my own commitments right now.”
3. Use “I” statements. Framing your response around your own needs and limitations can make it feel more natural and less confrontational. Saying, “I need to focus on my current workload” or “I’m prioritising my well-being” is a great way to shift the conversation towards your “issues” rather than rejecting the other person.
4. Give yourself time. Feeling pressured to say yes? Take a moment to reflect before deciding. You can buy yourself time with phrases like, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This allows you to consider whether the request aligns with your needs before giving an answer.
5. Stand firm while being respectful. It’s okay to acknowledge that the request is important while still holding your ground. You might say, “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I can’t take this on right now.” This approach helps you maintain healthy relationships while reinforcing your limits.

Creating a Support Circle That Lifts You Up

There are many ways to build a network of people who can give you support when you need it. First, acknowledge that you need people who support you in your parenting journey and open yourself to meet new people. Get to know like-minded individuals from different platforms. Before you know it, you will have built your tribe.

Likewise, it’s important to find ways to support your peers as well. Be there to provide emotional support for others. After all, every relationship is a two-way street. The key to any long-lasting relationship is that you don’t just take and take, you also have to give.

Final thoughts on building a strong support network

I hope this article has been a useful resource in your quest to build your support network. If you wish to see how Single Mama Way can help you with your quest to build a strong social support network, feel free to check out our services here.

Having a village isn’t just about having people around. More importantly, it’s about surrounding yourself with the right people. These are the ones who celebrate your successes, stand by you in tough times, provide assistance, and inspire you to become the best version of yourself. Whether it’s family, close friends, a parenting group, or a professional network, your support network should nurture, uplift, empower, and encourage you to thrive as a single mum.

Single Mama Elle

Elle is our compassionate single mum counsellor, dedicated to guiding fellow mamas through life's challenges. With a heartfelt commitment to transforming obstacles into opportunities, Elle provides empathetic support and practical guidance to her clients. As a single mother herself, she intimately understands the daily struggles and joys of single parenthood. Outside of counselling sessions, Elle finds rejuvenation in nature walks and yoga practice, nurturing her own well-being to better support others. Through her counselling practice, Elle aims to instil unwavering belief in single mums, empowering them to navigate life's journey with resilience and optimism.

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